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地デジの季節

夏季休暇の後(もうすぐ冬というのにこの話題 ^^;)、
地デジのある1局が受信不能になっていることに気がつきました。

昨年11月にがんばって立てたアンテナで、ときおりノイズは入るけど
視聴には問題なかったのですが、調べてみると今回はアンテナレベルが足りません。

夏季休暇中に変わったことといえば、近所の改築、新築工事。
受信不良は足場が高く組まれているからかな、と思ってました。

それぞれ工事も終わり、足場も撤収。これで受信が・・・と試しましたがそれでも受信不能。
アンテナの設置状況をみたら、いつのまにか取り付け位置が下がりベランダの手すりに
乗っかってました。

あれ?

もともと低い位置に取り付けてたけど、「乗っかる」位置ではなかったはず。
ためしに、前回よりも高い位置に取り付けて、向きを変えてみると、完璧!!
以前よりも受信レベルが上がりました。

にしても、アンテナが勝手にずり下がるなんて、不思議。
手すりにはすれた後もないし、自重でたわんだのかなぁ。

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ROV Tiburon67-80 35.7860 124.1950 2 CTD, netsD6 28.8200 141.6200 9 DIVE, nets, CTDHyab crane for tow fish prior to station D3. - JohnsonThe northeast flank of Oahu shares many characteristics with the north slope of Molokai. The outer part of an terrace is punctuated by a large volcanic cone, most probably related to the rejuvenated stage Honolulu Volcanics on Oahu (Clague and Frey, 1982). This area was mapped with the Simrad EM300 system by the U.S. Geological Survey in 1998, just before the MBARI surveys were collected. The objectives in sampling this cone are similar to those outlined in the section on "Submarine cones and flows" and it is singled out here simply because it is located in a different region. Anal Sex Stories Pain D9 21.4900 158.4100 7 DIVE - no net, CTDMidwater Acoustic Current Meter (ACM) - RobisonаTRACE METAL: Ginger Elrod (female), and Steve Fitzwater
Participants:Dive Targets and Scientific Rationale1 incubator - Chavez. ~200 lbsаPlanned Track Description:The Hawaiian Islands are formed from an amazing range of lava compositions that have different gas contents, crystal contents, viscosities, eruption rates and volumes, and eruption depths-all in lavas less than a few million years old. The low sedimentation rates on the flanks of the islands and their young age makes the use of visual observations, such as those obtained with Tiburon, particularly valuable. The variety of lava chemistries erupted on the seafloor adjacent to the islands also provide a powerful method to examine the structure of the Hawaiian plume as each type of lava is generated from a mix of mantle source components that have been proposed to have a concentric spatial configuration. Alkalic lavas have proved to contain important information about magma genesis in Hawaii (Clague, 1987) and the structure of the Hawaiian plume. All of the sampled lavas from the deep flanks the islands have proven to be such alkalic lavas. The only way to test the petrologic models for plume geometry is by analyzing lavas from around the islands-those that erupted below sea level, commonly at great depths. In particular, submarine erupted lavas preserve enough of their original volatile contents (Clague and Dixon, 2000), and their pre-eruptive contents can be calculated from what remains, to evaluate the important role of volatiles (water, carbon dioxide, sulfur, and rare gases) in melting processes and in the different plume components. Free Gay Teen Sex Stories D5 30.9300 136.1600 9 DIVE, nets, CTDH. Gary Greene (Chief Scientist), Charlie Paull (Co-Chief Scientist), Dave Claque (Expedition Coordinator), Dave Caress, Bill Ussler, Norm Maher, Billy Moore (U. South Carolina), Jim Moore (USGS), D.J. Osborn, Jenny Paduan, Judith Connortop of page
Expedition Chief Scientist: David Clague3 big white boxes/pallets of lab gear - Chavez. ~600 lbs totalаExpedition Chief Scientist: Bruce RobisonScheduled End Dateа: 2001-03-28 1830 Local Moss Landing timeThe cruise will depart Honolulu at 8 am an May 9 and transit 56 nm to dive 5/9 site, arriving about 1:30-2 pm. A short dive will be done on a small volcanic cone at about 700 m depth that had an anomaly in the water column above the cone when mapped in Dec. 2000. The anomaly is most likely either magmatic gas bubbles or a hydrothermal plume and suggests that the cone may be recently or currently active. This dive should be completed by 8-9 pm. Following a 25 nm transit to the first of McNutt's 2 dive targets on the north slope of Oahu, several gravity cores would be collected during the night. Dive 5/10 would use the heat flow probe and collect 60-cm cores using the vibra-peeper device. This dive will be at about 3400-3460 m depth. Night operations will consist of gravity coring and a short (4 nm) transit to dive 5/11, a second dive to collect heat flow data and 60-cm cores for conductivity measurements. Night operations will consist of gravity coring and a 45 nm transit to dive site 5/12. Dive 5/12 is the deepest dive on the entire Hawaii expedition, starting at 3925 m and ending at 3560 m, all on a group of young volcanic cones and flows in the channel between Oahu and Kauai. Night operations will consist of gravity coring and a 27 nm transit to the south flank of Kauai, where dive 5/13 will sample a series of volcanic vents related to the rejuvenated-stage lavas on Kauai, the Koloa Volcanics. Night operations will consist of gravity coring and a 46 nm transit to dive 5/14, located on the northwest flank of Niihau. This dive will start at 3220 m depth and end at about 1630 m and survey and sample a series of flat-topped volcanic cones. Night operations will consist of gravity coring and a 15 nm transit to dive 5/15. Dive 5/15, also on the northwest flank of Niihau, will survey and sample several additional flat-topped cones and a pointed volcanic cone near the northwest rift zone on Niihau between 2720 and 1910 m depth. Night operations will consist of gravity coring and a 12 nm transit to the third and final dive on Niihau. Dive 5/16 will survey and sample more of the flat-topped cones including one with a perched lava pond at its summit. The dive will start at 1680m and work up to 1260 m depth. Night operations will consist of gravity coring followed by a 47 nm transit back to the south flank of Kauai and dive 5/17. This dive will sample a series of volcanic cones near those of dive 5/13. Night operations will consist of gravity coring followed by a 27 nm transit to the final dive site in the channel between Oahu and Kauai. Dive 5/18 will probably need to start earlier than normal in order to complete the dive in time to transit the 78 nm to Honolulu to arrive by 5 pm. The dive is at about 2960 m depth, but is relatively short. Brazillian Teen Anal Sex Planned Track Description:GLORIA mapping around the Hawaiian Islands identified numerous cones and high-backscatter lava flows on the seafloor in four areas: 1) north of Oahu (the North Arch lavas described by Clague et al., 1990; Dixon et al., 1997; and Frey et al., 2000 and mapped by GLORIA and SeaBeam 2100 collected by Clague on a JAMSTEC cruise in 1999), 2) west of Oahu (mapped by GLORIA imagery and transit SeaBeam lines), 3) on the southeast flank of Kauai (mapped by Simrad EM300 by U.S. Geological Survey), and particularly 4) west of Niihau Island (mapped by Simrad EM300 by MBARI). The Simrad mapping of the region northwest of Niihau in 1998 revealed that the cones are large flat-topped cones with steep sides (Clague et al., 2000) despite their inferred alkalic compositions which contrast with the tholeiitic basalt compositions of similar cones along the rift zones. These cones are scattered over the seafloor from about 1500 to >5000 m depth and provide an unparalleled opportunity to understand degassing of magmas erupted at different depths or confining pressures. These cones have been interpreted to belong to the rejuvenated stage of volcanism and to correlate with the Kiekie Volcanics on Niihau (Clague, unpub. data), the Koloa Volcanics on Kauai (Clague and Dalrymple, 1988), the Honolulu Volcanics on Oahu (Clague and Frey, 1982), and the Kalaupapa Basalt on Molokai (Clague et al., 1982). They should retain significant volatile components, particularly those erupted at the greatest depths. The combination of quenched, relatively-primitive glasses and fresh lava interiors makes such samples ideal to evaluate the spatial distribution of the different mantle source components that melt to produce Hawaiian magmas. In particular, these submarine lavas allow us to include volatile components in our analysis of plume components since the quenched glasses will retain much of their initial complement of water, carbon dioxide, sulfur and rare gases. We have arranged for state-of-the-art volatile analyses of these samples with collaborators Hanyu (rare-gases) and Dixon (water and carbon dioxide). We will determine the degassing history of these lavas as done for Kilauea and North Arch lavas (Dixon et al., 1991, 1997). The rejuvenated stage lavas from the North Arch and those from the main islands are derived mainly from a depleted lithospheric source, but one that has been modified by addition of a component from the Hawaiian plume (Frey et al., 2000; Dixon and Clague, 2000). We hope to define this component and its distribution in space and time. These cones and flows are fairly large and it is unlikely we will be able to sample more than 2 or 3 vents on a single dive, hence our request for so many dives for this important objective.gravity corer and rock crusher for night operationsа
Expedition Principal Investigator:аBruce RobisonHilo Ridge was long thought to be the submarine rift zone of Mauna Kea Volcano (e.g., Yang et al., 1994, 1998), but is now proposed to be the submarine southeast rift zone of Kohala Volcano (Holcomb et al., 2000). Samples collected from the rift zone have variable chemisty-some of the dredged samples are geochemically similar to lavas from Kohala, Mauna Kea, and even Kilauea, but none are geochemically similar to the Mauna Kea lavas from near the bottom of the 1.1-km Hawaii Scientific Drilling Project pilot hole drilled near Hilo (Stolper et al., 1996).Younger flank eruptions from Mauna Kea Volcano almost certainly occur in the area, as vents from Mauna Kea are scattered over a large region on land. However, the rift zone is characterized by numerous flat-topped low-aspect ratio cones (Clague et al., 2000) and two submarine (lacking summit craters) steep-sided cones that are probably constructed of alkalic basalt after the tholeiitic shield volcano had been constructed. We want to sample and date (using Ar-Ar techniques) several of the flat-topped cones along the rift to determine if they are similar in age and chemically similar to shield lavas from Kohala or Mauna Kea volcanoes. In addition, we want to confirm that the steep cones are composed of alkalic basalts, determine their eruptive style and depth, and determine when they erupted, providing a maximum age for the end of shield building. These parameters are important in defining the history of the island of Hawaii, the likely character of lava (Mauna Kea or Kohala) to be encountered in the NSF-funded continuation of the already 3-km-deep Hawaii Scientific Drilling Project main hole, and in interpreting the origin of submarine volcanic landforms. These dives form a continuation of a study begun in fall 1998 when Clague used three MBARI-supported Pisces V dives to map 4 flat-topped cones on the flank of Kohala Volcano and determine their compositions. Analyses of these samples establish the compositions of Kohala shield lavas (those exposed on land are too altered) and form the basis for this comparative study. These dives also build on the MBARI Simrad mapping of Hilo Ridge and Kohala Volcanoes done in 1998.MIDWATER: Bruce Robison, Kim Reisenbichler, Rob Sherlock, Steve Haddock, George Matsumoto, and Kevin RaskoffScheduled End Dateа: 2001-04-16 1700 Local Moss Landing timeD4 33.1300 130.59 9 DIVE, nets, CTD Free Lesbian Sex Web Cams Submarine jack hammer (if available)heat-flow probeаWe request 7 dive days (3 under this proposal and 4 under Paull "Continental margins fluids and gases" proposal). Three dive days will be spent doing observations and sample collection using the manipulator and locating the best sites for using the rockdrill. One dive will be located on the deepest (1325-m) terrace and upper part of the rift zone of Mahukona Volcano where a huge pillow ridge and several steep-sided cones occur. Another dive day will be used to collect lava on two 5.5-hr dives in succession from two radial fissures that cross the 1150-m terrace, the coral terrace itself, and samples from within karst "blue holes". The third day, exploring the 400-m reef, will consist of three 3.5-hr dives in succession to examine the karst topography, and collect volcanic and coral samples from the 400-m terrace and karst topography. If fluids are discovered flowing through the carbonates, water samples will be collected for analysis by Paull. The 4 Paull dive days would be spent using the MBARI rock drill to sample a sequence of corals from the reef face of the 400-m and 1150-m terraces to test the models for reef growth revealed by the REEFGROW computer program. Each dive day will probably consist of several dives in sequence as these dives should be of short duration. The drilling will be rapid because the materials are very soft but the conditions will be challenging since the reef face is a solid pavement with a 30- slope. Charlie Paull will be the MBARI lead scientist on 2 dive days and Clague will be for the 3 dive days doing observations and sample collection. Clague will also participate in the dives with Paull and assist with analysis of the samples recovered.
Expedition Principal Investigator:аKen JohnsonThis proposal requests 28 Tiburon dive days, admittedly a large number of dive days. Most of these dives will include benthic biology observations and some biological sampling with Jim Barry and George Matsumoto as successfully done on Pioneer, Guide, Gumdrop, Taney, and Davidson Seamounts in 2000. Hawaii is the primary study area for Clague, as it has been for nearly 30 years. The Western Flyer will return to Hawaii no sooner than 2004, so this expedition will provide the data for several years of lab analysis and writing. All but two of the dives proposed are within areas surveyed with the Simrad EM300 system in 1998, so excellent basemaps are in hand.CTD and Rosette w/H2O sample bottles - ChavezаParticipants:Plastic storage shed, 6x6x3 ft, w/ table - Chavez ~200 lbsа Lesbian Bondage Sex Movies 3 white collapsible pallet boxes and misc. gear - Robison ~600 lbs totalаROV CTD w/O2 and transmissometer Ц RobisonаThe Hawaiian Islands are formed from an amazing range of lava compositions that have different gas contents, crystal contents, viscosities, eruption rates and volumes, and eruption depths-all in lavas less than a few million years old. The low sedimentation rates on the flanks of the islands and their young age makes the use of visual observations, such as those obtained with Tiburon, particularly valuable. The variety of lava chemistries erupted on the seafloor adjacent to the islands also provide a powerful method to examine the structure of the Hawaiian plume as each type of lava is generated from a mix of mantle source components that have been proposed to have a concentric spatial configuration. Alkalic lavas have proved to contain important information about magma genesis in Hawaii (Clague, 1987) and the structure of the Hawaiian plume. All of the sampled lavas from the deep flanks the islands have proven to be such alkalic lavas. The only way to test the petrologic models for plume geometry is by analyzing lavas from around the islands-those that erupted below sea level, commonly at great depths. In particular, submarine erupted lavas preserve enough of their original volatile contents (Clague and Dixon, 2000), and their pre-eruptive contents can be calculated from what remains, to evaluate the important role of volatiles (water, carbon dioxide, sulfur, and rare gases) in melting processes and in the different plume components.
Radium sampler (new)а2 FIA systems+ reagents - Johnson ~250 lbsаvibra-peeper coring systemаROV CTD w/O2 and transmissometer Ц RobisonаScheduled End Dateа: 2001-06-02 TBD Local Moss Landing time Anal Sex Pictures At Twilightsex Com 67-55 36.6200 122.4150 0 no stop D1,67-70 36.1200 123.4850 2 nets, CTDMost of the objectives and targets outlined below are either too deep for Pisces to operate or use special ROV tools (e,g,, rockdrill, vibracorer, impact glass sampler, box corer) that MBARI has developed. A few dives in Lesbian Biracial Hot Sex The northeast flank of Oahu shares many characteristics with the north slope of Molokai. The outer part of an terrace is punctuated by a large volcanic cone, most probably related to the rejuvenated stage Honolulu Volcanics on Oahu (Clague and Frey, 1982). This area was mapped with the Simrad EM300 system by the U.S. Geological Survey in 1998, just before the MBARI surveys were collected. The objectives in sampling this cone are similar to those outlined in the section on "Submarine cones and flows" and it is singled out here simply because it is located in a different region.The summit of Loihi Seamount is partly covered by volcaniclastic sedimentary deposits that were discovered and sampled during a series of submersible dives with the Pisces V in 1996, 1997, and 1998 (done by invitation from Frank Sansone and Geoff Wheat in 1996 and 1997 and as a HURL-funded 3-dive program with Rodey Batiza and Jim Head in 1998). The deposits found in the first two years consisted of thin sand units with ripple marks that included bubble-wall fragments indicating that mild explosive activity had occurred on the summit of Loihi (Clague et al., 2000). This discovery led us to explore more specifically for thicker explosive deposits on the summit, which were then found in 1998. The deposits discovered in 1998 include an 11-m section of ash exposed along an inward-facing normal fault, identified in the MBARI Simrad bathymetric data collected in 1998, that defines a caldera complex on the flat summit region of the volcano. Some samples were collected, mainly using sediment scoops that mixed the materials from different layers. Other dives in the summit region suggest that these deposits cover much of the summit platform, particularly on its eastern side. The ash sequence consists of bedded deposits of alternating fine and coarse ash to gravel that were deposited during a variety of submarine explosive eruptions. The eruptions include Strombolian-style that produced scoria and built cinder cones, Hawaiian-style fire fountains that produced widespread deposits of lava bubble-wall fragments in silt- to clay-sized glass matrix, and phreatic explosive-style eruptions that excavated hydrothermally altered lavas and hydrothermal sulfides and sulfate deposits from the subsurface and scattered fragments of them across the summit region of Loihi. Such rapidly quenched glasses are ideal for volatile exsolution studies and we are currently analyzing some of the 1998 samples to estimate their pre=eruptive volatile contents.The scoop samples contain rare foraminifers that may occur in specific layers formed during hiatuses in eruptive activity and rare ash fragments from explosive eruptions on Kilauea Volcano. Both the foraminifers and Kilauea ashes may serve to provide age control on the ash sequence. We (Davis and Clague, 1998) have speculated that such explosive eruptions may be related to collapse events such as that in 1996 that formed a new pit crater 300 m deep and about 1-km in diameter (The Loihi Science Team, 1997).Expedition Principal Investigator:аDavid Clague
*Note: weight does not include sea water6 Detritus samplers (2 as spares) Ц RobisonаThe northeast flank of Oahu shares many characteristics with the north slope of Molokai. The outer part of an terrace is punctuated by a large volcanic cone, most probably related to the rejuvenated stage Honolulu Volcanics on Oahu (Clague and Frey, 1982). This area was mapped with the Simrad EM300 system by the U.S. Geological Survey in 1998, just before the MBARI surveys were collected. The objectives in sampling this cone are similar to those outlined in the section on "Submarine cones and flows" and it is singled out here simply because it is located in a different region.This proposal requests 28 Tiburon dive days, admittedly a large number of dive days. Most of these dives will include benthic biology observations and some biological sampling with Jim Barry and George Matsumoto as successfully done on Pioneer, Guide, Gumdrop, Taney, and Davidson Seamounts in 2000. Hawaii is the primary study area for Clague, as it has been for nearly 30 years. The Western Flyer will return to Hawaii no sooner than 2004, so this expedition will provide the data for several years of lab analysis and writing. All but two of the dives proposed are within areas surveyed with the Simrad EM300 system in 1998, so excellent basemaps are in hand.3. Puna Ridge Preteen Gay Boys Sex Radium-sensorThe submarine east rift zone of Kilauea has been extensively studied during the last ten years because it provides an opportunity to study the submarine portion of a well-studied subaerial volcanic system. The morphology of the ridge has been defined from SeaBeam mapping of the entire ridge (Clague et al., 1993), Simrad mapping as deep as 3500 m (done by MBARI in 1998), and AMS-120 mapping of the ridge axis (done by WHOI with MBARI postdoc Jennifer Reynolds as a participant. Samples have been collected from along the ridge by dredging starting in 1964 and by rock corer (MBARIТs rock crusher) in 1998. A few submersible dives, using the Seacliff, were done in the 1980s and in 1991. Most of the lavas recovered are differentiated basalts with eruption temperatures between about 1120 and 1140-C-slightly lower than most historical subaerial eruptions. However, I discovered some unusual glass grains in a boxcore adjacent to Kilauea Volcano in 1988. These glasses contain up to 15% MgO and had eruption temperatures in excess of 1320-C-making them the most magnesian glasses with the highest eruption temperatures of any on Earth (Clague et al., 1991, 1995; Wagner et al., 1998). The eruption and flow characteristics of such hot, fluid lavas are essentially unknown, but may provide an analogy to understand emplacement of Archaen komatiite flows. The chemistry of the glasses shows that they erupted from Kilauea Volcano.Objective is to compare surface water iron and aluminum concentrations during a "dust" season to those of a "non-dust" season (the transit to Hawaii). Underway mapping of surface water Iron and Aluminum with tow-fish pneumatic pumping system. Rosette/CTD casts at 8 stations of approximately 2 hrs each to collect metal, nutrient and chlorophyll samples to augment surface mapping findings.

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They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

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The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

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All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

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A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

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Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

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Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

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